


friends don't look at friends that way

by evaneddie



Series: dhylen writes one shots [41]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Feelings Confession, M/M, josh being a kind and comforting person, set between 3x12 & 3x13, two new friends talking about their love lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:28:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23410951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evaneddie/pseuds/evaneddie
Summary: buck spills his feelings about eddie to his new friend josh.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: dhylen writes one shots [41]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1433956
Comments: 14
Kudos: 214





	friends don't look at friends that way

**Author's Note:**

> just a lil thing set between 3x12 & 3x13  
> i hope you all like!

Their laughs fill Buck's apartment, echoing off the minimalistic walls. A small wince appears on his face but dissipates as quickly as it comes, and Buck's smile saddens. "I still can't believe someone would do that to you, to anyone."

Josh sighs in response. "Yeah, it sucks. But I'm trying to move past it all."

Wondering why Maddie hadn't introduced them sooner, Buck nods, kind of lost in his own thoughts while half paying attention. There's one thing on his mind that's pulling majority of his awareness away and sucking him into his own head. It's kind of rude to be in your own thoughts while hanging out with a friend, but lately he can't seem to put a stop to it.

Especially right now.

"Hey, this uh- this isn't a date, is it?" Buck asks his newfound friend. Vibes can be quite difficult to read sometimes, and he's hoping he hadn't been giving off the wrong ones, and the only way to find out for sure is to be blunt, even if it does end up coming across as rude. Better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission - or some shit like that.

"What?" asks Josh incredulously, his eyes widening. "God, no. Not that you're not hot, because you are _really_ gorgeous, but you're just not my type."

Buck's unsure what to say to that, he's never been the best at accepting compliments from others. He dips his head while letting out a nervous chuckle. "Uh, thanks," is all he can force out, his thumb coming up to swipe at his eyebrow, rubbing over his birthmark, a nervous habit he's picked up over the years.

"I'm sorry, I hope I didn't upset you," Josh says earnestly.

"No, no you didn't. I was hoping for just a friendly hang out. You're not really my type either, though you're not so bad looking yourself." It's not technically a lie, as such.

Buck knows three things. One; Josh is someone he wouldn't mind keeping around in his life, someone who could become a good mate to him. Two; Josh really is a good looking man, and even though Buck isn't attracted to him, he can admit when someone is attractive. Three, the point that stands out the most; Buck doesn't have a type, not really, honestly just liking a person in general, and not because they fit into a certain criteria.

Though, he would be kidding himself if he said the last few months his dirty thoughts hadn't been plagued by a dark haired man, with skin slighter tanner than Buck himself, someone kind, with honey brown eyes, and-

"Is it because I'm a guy, or because you're in love with your best friend?" 

What the fuck? Where did Josh get that from?

The smug grin on Josh's face shows Buck that he knows the answer to that question. It's like he knows Buck has no issue being attracted to a guy, and sure Buck isn't embarrassed by it or anything, but he hasn't exactly shown that side of himself to many others besides Maddie.

"You're an ass," Buck laughs, taking a sip of the white wine he had recently poured into their glasses. "If you knew, why did you ask if this was a date?"

"Knew what?" replies the guest.

Rolling his eyes with a smile, Buck inhales deeply before responding. "You really gonna make me say it?"

A beat.

"Not if you're not ready."

Buck is grateful for those words, the kindness that just seeps out of his newfound friend is something he always looks for in a person when inviting them into his life. He did the same with the 118, held back on loving them until he knew they were kind people - which honestly didn't take all that long.

Tongue darting out to wet his lips, to lick the remnants of the alcoholic beverage from his mouth, Buck thinks of what to say next. Can he really just blurt out everything he's feeling about his best friend to someone he not long met and has only just started considering the friend label?

Screw it. "Well, it's not like I can do anything about it." At Josh's expression, silently asking him to continue, he does. "First off, we work together. That'd be weird. Plus, he's got a kid. A kid that I absolutely adore as if he were my own, but I know Eddie would do everything to protect him and I don't want to hurt him again. I've done it before, I've hurt the both of them. I couldn't live with myself if I do it again and lose them completely."

There's more he has to say, but his mind is running a million miles an hour. He can't get his breathing under control, and everything around him feels like it's spinning, tilting on its axis. God, he can't hurt them again, he can't lose them.

"Buck, hey, just breathe. You don't have to do anything you don't want to." Josh's calm voice breaks through Buck's thoughts, using the soft tone he's probably acquired from having to keep people as relaxed as possible in their worst moments while on the phone with him.

"But I want to, Josh. I really do. I'm just scared. Eddie's straight, anyway, so I can't go there," Buck breathes out sharply. 

Eddie's straight. Everything else he could push aside and try and jump for it. But coming onto a straight guy? Buck couldn't do that to his best friend.

A hum slips from Josh, and Buck looks to his face, seeing it contorted in thought. 

Eddie is straight. He would never have any sort of feelings for Buck that go past camaraderie. Well, maybe a bit more than that for obvious reasons. They're like a family, the whole team is. Within that family, each member has their own group of people they love too, and Buck has been lucky enough to have Eddie and Chris invite him into theirs. Platonically, of course.

"From the stories you have been telling me for the past," Josh pauses, looking down at the watch on his wrist, "two hours, and from things I have heard Maddie say, it seems he may like you back."

It seems. That isn't good enough. To even admit his love about Eddie to his face, Buck would need cold, hard, solid confirmation of the other man's feelings. Nothing short of a confession from Eddie himself in front of Buck would be enough.

Eddie is straight, right? Plus, he has a thing for Christopher's teacher. Or at least, that's what Buck had assumed. Dating your kid's teacher would be weird, though. Wouldn't it? Conflict of interest or something?

This is all way too confusing. He loves Eddie, but he can never admit it to the person in question. He's in love with Eddie, and he's just going to have to live with the fact that he has to watch from a distance as Eddie grows in life, expands his family, and Buck inevitably gets pushed to the side.

But for now, he has Eddie by his side, his best friend, and together they have Chris. What more can you ask for when what you want can never happen?

"I am so in love with him, and there's nothing I can do about it." Buck feels defeated, and his tone reflects that. He hates how he sounds so hopeless, but it's true.

"I get that, I do. It sucks. I'm sorry, man." Josh sends him a gentle smile, which Buck returns. 

It does suck. Unless, by some glitch in the system, Eddie tells Buck he feels something like this about him, the latter is fine just being friends. Really. He is. He has to be. There's no other option.

**Author's Note:**

> buddie spotify playlist:
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0UqHp5r5OEdsKPgovmPdOx?si=sguL8AZXRTGM97TrEvQm4Q


End file.
